A small rant rather than a blog!

Posted on September 27, 2013 | Leave a comment

I can’t believe how quickly the last 8 months have gone, my life seems to be going by at a rate of knots!  I have a confession to make.  I previously posted a blog about my choice to have one child. I still stand by this post in the sense that, how many children you have or wish to have is absolutely nobody bloody else’s business and, all those sticky beaked people who commented on my choice to have one child and how unfair that was (don’t get me started on over population, personal choices etc etc again) can still go to hell. However my Husband and I find ourselves in the final two weeks of our second pregnancy. I finished work yesterday, I already don’t know what to do with myself, I go back to work in December – I work three days a week (well five in reality but three I am actually paid for) and this has also met much disgruntled approval from apparent friends. Staring at me with wide eyed “how can you do that” “you’ll miss your baby” “don’t make decisions now, you don’t know how you’ll feel” these are the same people who also seemed rather dismayed when they found out I was pregnant and said “how amazing, you must be so excited, that’s great news!” And I replied, “we are looking forward to it but, it was rather a shock to find out.”

I would here like to point out that I love being Charlie’s Mum, he is the most amazing thing I have ever done and we have great fun as a family. I know that when this baby arrives in 13days I will feel exactly the same as I do about him, however, I cannot help it if I am not all gooey-eyed, cannot talk about anything else, only ever thinking about the impending arrival, as it would appear most people want me to be.

I am looking forward to the next couple of months, then Birthdays, Christmas, New Years and heading back to work. Yes I could take more time off, however my Husband and I have made choices about what we want to achieve, (we were meant to move house two weeks ago but, pulled out when we started to get mucked about) the schools our children go to and when we want to retire. Yes I am 33yrs old and retirement should seem a long way away but, we know what we want from life and that unfortunately means working hard so we can finish earlier and have even more fun than we’re having at the moment and, it is fun, we are fortunate to have lots of time together as a family, see our friends, go on holiday and at this moment in time save some money in the process.

My point of this Rant as opposed to a Blog is to say that, although my choices and way of working may not suit all the people in my life, that doesn’t actually matter and, although I love and respect you all and, listen to your normally concern laced disapproving opinions, we are going to continue on with our plan. If in the end we are wrong, (as I think I may have said before) you can all scream “we told you so” until then though get back in your box please.

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Himself, Herself, Myself, Yourself

Posted on February 26, 2013 | Leave a comment

Okay, I am obviously old and to boot, I must not have anything worth while to worry about – however this is really really bugging me, so it is time to get it off my chest.

I recently received a new novel, a friend of mine got it for me while I convalesced after my operation. I didn’t have the operation in the end (I still kept my gift though) and I started the new book at the weekend.

I reached page 20 and there was a description of the character out for a walk, what he saw in people’s windows and then the narrative was “he tried to visualise what a passer-by would learn about himself and Maureen” 

My question is – what would a passerby learn about himself walking past someones house???  Obviously anyone with half a brain knows that if a passerby walks past your window they are highly unlikely to find out something about themselves (maybe at a push – fat upon window reflection, or this hat doesn’t suit me like I thought it did)  so surely this piece should read “he tried to visualise what a passer-by would learn about him and Maureen” making much more grammatical sense as Him being the main character in the book and owner of said home and window and Maureen being his wife. 

As I am a doddery old 33yr old, with Job, child, husband, house to run and a million and one other things to do. I have the time to write to the publishers to ask about the use of dodgy grammar. In this email to them I write out the whole paragraph, in context and, the reasons why it can’t surely be the passerby that learns something about himself, but that the passerby himself learns something about him the character (if you’re still with me at this point well done, and kudos for sticking with me) and do you know what, they only replied to me, to say that they were sending it to the editor to ask… I could not believe it!

The reply I got back though, was, yes they are referring to the passerby, they don’t think he will learn anything about the owners of the house as there are net curtains, blah, blah, blah and that all authors have their own idiosyncratic style of writing…..

aarrrgghhhh………. 

I replied – My question wasn’t about that, it was around the use of incorrect English, why does he say he wonders what they would learn about himself?? He should say he wonders what they would learn about him.  If you walked past my house and had a  nosey in my window, I wouldn’t watch you and think, I wonder what she learnt about herself, I would wonder what you’d learnt about me!!!!! 

I can’t believe how much this has bugged me but it all goes with the continual emails that I get saying “If you have any questions please come back to myself” WHAT???  or ” If there is a problem shall I speak to yourself” WTF?!?!?!?!?

If you have any questions come back to ME!!!!!! 

If there is a problem shall I speak to YOU!!!!

Seriously people, English is not hard!!!

EXAMPLE :

I can do it MYSELF, I can cook it MYSELF, I will help MYSELF

You can fix it YOURSELF, You can do it YOURSELF,  help YOURSELF

He can read it HIMSELF, She can reach it HERSELF, They can do it THEMSELVES….

We did it OURSELVES

You can’t say – you can come back to myself, or you can speak to myself – What?!?!?!?!   How are people so stupid that they write or say this on a daily basis…..  

So now I am waiting for the Editor of the publishing house, who I follow on Twitter but I don’t think they follow me, to find out a) why they didn’t read my email properly the first time round and, b) how an Editor doesn’t need an English degree or equivalent to edit a Novel? Although it would seem that the people who reviewed the book also have no grasp of the English language, so there really is no help for any of us.

Me, Myself and I however all truly hope this isn’t the case….

I apologise for any grammatical errors in my blog, I will happily take criticism, as I write I do proof read and spell check.  I can confirm though that my irrational fury is increasing, not on a therapeutic decline which I had hoped this rant would achieve…..

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Posted in Blogs

Update by numbers

Posted on February 1, 2013 | Leave a comment

I haven’t blogged now for what seems like forever.

Update on life so far :- December was unbelievably busy, all over the country with work, working for the first time ever on my birthday,  husband’s birthday, my mother’s birthday,  6x Christmas drinks parties (the ones I made!), 3x Kids parties, Xmas eve drinks at our house, followed swiftly by Xmas eve drinks at my friends parents.

One Mother in law and 12 other guests for Xmas day, more toys unwrapped by a 4yr old than I ever thought possible, Father Chtistma got me a stocking and a boat load of stuff too, I knew I was good…. Six of us on Boxing Day, then one very poorly child and husband.

NYE cancelled due to illlness so, bottle of wine and TV bed at 12! Child not back to school till the 9th so additional entertainment, trip on the Thames, south bank, zoo, numerous play dates..

Back to school. Back to work, new starters, new targets, travelling again North and South, 4.5 hours in motorway jam, 3 hours in Snow Jam, 2hrs on delayed train.

One date for Tonsillectamy set, typically now have sore throat.

7x Birthday Parties so far for Jan, 4 of which were last weekend, family staying with us this weekend.

Viewing houses 4 seen so far, 3 tomorrow and 5 next weekend…

more kids parties to come, my Dads 60 (something) Birthday, trip to Brighton next weekend, one baby born this week, first nice or nephew due in approx one week then two more friends babies to follow…..

Planning a 5yr old’s Star Wars Birthday and trying not to scream…… 

I think that’s everything 🙂 have missed you while I have been away.

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Food

Posted on November 1, 2012 | 1 comment

I am acutely aware of how lucky I am, more so today than any other. 
This afternoon my friends and I took our children to a Halloween party at a soft play place, we all had food, skinny decaf lattes, chatted about school’s, recent jewellery purchases, new houses and extensions. 
 
This evening I watched Hidden Hungry, based in Coventry and across the country there are a number of food banks helping people who  have no money to feed themselves or their children. Their situations made even more dire with “Fat Cat” 500% interest loan repayment companies taking advantage of these circumstances and making the black hole even more difficult to climb out of. 
 
I thought I was an average person, working paying bills with the usual worries, what school, can we afford to buy extra presents, shoes, coats etc. I didn’t realise that to some people this is a whole existence away from what they are used to. I feel ignorant, selfish, ashamed and, I want to help. 
 
I know someone in a similar situation, I criticise their choices, think them lazy, with no drive or determination. My view after this evenings documentary has been cast in a slightly different light. Maybe what I should see is someone who is doing the best that they can with what they have and, I should extend the olive branch.  Maybe the issue is mine not theirs, I am the lazy one, with no desire to see what the issues are or how I can help. 
 
All of us are all only steps away from a similar fate. My father lost his business in the 1990’s, he lost the family home, we moved to our mothers and he went into a bed-sit. I always thought, for God’s sake how did you manage to do this to us!!! It does however seem simple now, a wrong choice, a lost job, a missed loan or mortgage payment and before you know it you are hurtling through an abyss with no means of recovery. 
 
I think the people tonight should be commended for their courage, it must be so hard to stand up and say “I can’t provide food for my family, please help me”
 
When we go back to school after half term I will be speaking to the PTA about how we can assist a food bank through donations. I also plan to speak to our Coventry and Runcorn offices to see if the company I work for are helping here too. 
 
If you see a food bank collection at your supermarket give something, an own brand pasta or rice or tin of soup. With the average weekly shop for the majority of us coming in at around £80-£100, 50p will hardly break the bank. You never know when someone you know, or you yourself may end up in the Food Bank queue, praying that enough people have donated so that you are able to eat today….

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Answers on a postcard please.

Posted on September 2, 2012 | Leave a comment

My son starts school a week on Monday. I am missing the gene that means I should cry when I drop him off, I am too excited to be sad. What I am having issues with is whether or not to work full time.

My work is based 86miles from my house, I commute on a Monday and commute back on a Tuesday late night, arriving home at 10:30pm or later each week. I then work from home or London on a Wednesday. Reading between the lines from discussions with my management, I need to work full time to progress or I risk being left behind. How do I do that? Do I put my son to bed on a Sunday night, leave at 6am Monday and return 10:30pm on a Thursday night to then work from home on a Friday? Can mine and my son’s relationship sustain that break 48 weeks of the year? Can you never  pick up your child from school, not attend parent teacher meetings, not attend morning assembly’s, not help with homework?

Could my marriage sustain that break 48 weeks of the year?

For our financial security and financial future, working full time could mean the mortgage is paid off sooner, the pension fund is healthier and we could retire sooner, but is it worth the sacrifice, especially if I don’t have someone to retire with? Or is the key to happy loving relationships quality time not quantity time?

How do I fit in the OU study I have been thinking I will have the time  to do since January? Who will do the food shopping, the cleaning, the washing, the ironing, the vets visits, Drs or Dentists visits, who will remeber to make the beds, ensure that the tooth fairy visits on time….. Is more money worth that?

Someone said “your son is at school, you have to now think about you” is work though really thinking about “me” or is it me keeping someone else happy?

I don’t know the answer, I have been dancing with myself to this particular tune for a fortnight now, the music stops at the end of the month.

Answers on a postcard please…

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I’m outside

Posted on July 13, 2012 | Leave a comment

I feel like I’m standing with my nose pressed up against the window hoping that I see myself and let me in. Only deep down I don’t think I do want to go  in. When did life get so complicated?

I remember when my sister and I were about 8 and 10 respectively, she would ride her custard yellow bike and I my bubblegum pink Raleigh racer to the corner shop, our 50 pence pieces burning holes in our pockets (that’s a telling on how old I am if it was only 50 pence in my pocket) on our way to get 100 penny sweets (that’s right younger readers, you could get 2 x penny sweets for 1p)

My life now is a pressure cooker of angst, grief and shared inner turmoil. Uncertainty lurking like an aneurism silently waiting to unleash its destruction.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m standing at the window banging my fists and screaming warnings but no-one inside can hear me.  I think I see me but, when I come to the window I draw the curtains and I’m left standing in the dark thinking, how did I not hear or see me? I walk round the entire building but there isn’t a door in sight, all I can see are windows where no-one in side knows I’m out here. Will I ever find the door? If I do, can I go in, do I want to go in?

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Posted in Family

The obsession with Number 2

Posted on June 20, 2012 | Leave a comment

Why is One child not enough? It’s plenty for me. I love our family dynamic of Three but, it would appear, friends, family, neighbours, the local shop keeper, and relative strangers are practically appalled by our decision to only have ONE perfect, loving, smart and beautiful child.

Is there really so little going on in other people’s lives that they feel they have the right to barge in on mine? ?

“It’s not fair that he is on his own, it’s not fair he doesn’t have a sibling, it’s not right that we are not giving him a bigger family, you’ll regret that you won’t have another baby, you need to give your husband a daughter.”

The friend with no relevant qualifications who appointed themselves as my psychoanalyst explained that, because we were trying for another baby and it didn’t happen (2010 – 2011) I have incorrectly convinced myself that I do not want another one, however, if I actually sit back and have a good look into my life I will see that I do so badly want a baby. WTF!!!!!!!!!!

So here goes for all of you that are have embarrassed me, angered me and tried to make me feel bad about my decision in front of others.

It is not fair that I take all my love and time away from my ONE child. (Before you start I have heard the argument about how the new one fits in your heart, my argument is not about space)

It is not fair that I have to re-think my ONE child’s school and whole academic future if I have number TWO, (the beauty of ONE is affordability)

It is not fair that our THREE person close loving family dynamic will change.

It is not fair that I have to give up my career and then have our family worry about money, (yes I know about maternity leave, and you go back to work in the end, however you haven’t done it once within my career already)

It is not fair that you ridicule my choices in front of others. I am not a child; I am capable of making a decision. I do not want or need your pity, your puppy dog eyed looks when you invade my privacy with personal questions and get an answer you weren’t expecting and do not like. My decision does not come from a sad, depressing place. It comes from the fact that I happen to be lucky enough to be wonderfully happy. I have a beautiful son, an amazing (although sometimes rather annoying) husband who loves me more than I could ever imagine and whom I love equally as much. A job that I enjoy and am good at, a close family (there are loads of us) and thankfully no need to scrimp and save, due to the decisions we have made.

Come back to me in 10 years’ time when I am finally in my 40s and, if I have been unlucky enough to think I may have made a mistake, it still will not be too late to have another child, adopt a child, foster a child or turn around to look at you all in the eye and let you scream “WE TOLD YOU SO”

For the time being though if Baby Police could call off the dog’s I would appreciate it…

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The Fat Issue

Posted on May 23, 2012 | Leave a comment

There is a picture of me; I am about 20 years old, sitting on a boat in Greece. I was thin but even back then, although the picture oozes confidence I had issues with my body.

I am not what you would call Fat – but I am what I would call Fat.

Current credentials – 32yrs 5’9.5” – 163lbs size 10/12 (closer to 12) waist 32.5” (Urgh!) hips 39” (double urgh) and my bloody neck is 13.5” is that also fat????

Issues with – Wine, Cake, Chocolate, Sweets, Ice Cream, Cheese, Pasta, Eating son’s dinner, then eating my own dinner, not doing enough exercise, general gluttony and laziness……

When I had my son, I was planning a mild pain relief natural birth. This changed slightly to being induced 12days over official due date, proceeded by 4 days of nothing really happening then an emergency C-Section. This procedure was obviously performed by someone who wanted to get home for their supper. The surgeon left me with a hideous rather high incision and a lovely (only seen on larger people) over hang! Christ I’m revealing a lot in this blog. I’m sure it’s worse in your imagination, however, there is not a hope in hell of a picture being produced, your imagination will have to continue to repulse you.

After my son was born I struggled even more with my weight issues. I am fine with all areas of my body (even my slightly uneven sized boobs, and my rather flabby upper arms) but my stomach is beginning to really affect me. I am considering surgery. I had a discussion with my Dr, she explained that unfortunately all the dieting in the world will not help with the mark (read hang) left by my C-Section. All that said I still need to lose the weight and, what I need to do it is a good dose of will power. I was fine over Lent and lost 8lbs but, since then 4lbs have crept back on. I am now off the booze, chocs, cake and all the other aforementioned crap, I miss it terribly already.

I am not a moderation kind of girl so that options defunct. On the 18th March 2007 I decided to stop my 20 cigs a day habit. I have never touched another cigarette.  Why can’t I do this with the Cake!!!!!!!!

Today whilst working and blogging I am also researching tummy tucks.  My Husband and I have decided that we are not going to have another baby (that’s a whole other blog – why do some people look at me open-mouthed and retort, “that’s so sad” “but you want another one” “you can’t just have one” “an only child is a lonely child”??) therefore the previous – “oh well it doesn’t matter I can sort it once I have another child” argument is redundant.

So here I go Onwards and Downwards – Target Credentials – 30yrs 5’9.5” – 145lbs size 10 (closer to 8) waist 28” hips 34” and my bloody neck 12” is that possible????

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A memory

Posted on April 5, 2012 | Leave a comment

I must have been about 11 years old when my Great Grandpa died. I remember going to the hospital to see him, we weren’t going to the funeral that had already been decided. I remember standing with my sister watching from the nurses station. We were eventually allowed to see him, we walked through this huge ward, bed after bed after bed. I don’t think he spoke to us or even really knew who we were.  We stood with our hands in our pockets at the end of his bed. He looked cold, his feet were a mottled blue & purple colour,  wrinkly and old, he had dry skin over the soles of his feet. I don’t know why they weren’t under the covers.

He had been in the First World War and the Second, he escaped from a prisoner of War Camp or something, he had a red plait of hair in a memory box, it was his wifes. He missed her, I think he was looking forward to seeing her.

His toenails were so long, why hadn’t anyone cut them? I think I held his hand.

We used to sit on his knee when we were younger, he would scare us by taking his teeth out. He always looked smart, always in brown, like my Grandad (his son) he has also gone. I really cried at his funeral.

It’s funny isn’t it what can spark a memory. My son just lost a grandfather. I covered his feet.

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The Rules of Re-Gifting

Posted on March 9, 2012 | Leave a comment

We have recently celebrated at 4th birthday in this house. It has been a mix of intense pleasure and absolute chaos. We had a party on Saturday with friends and family, then an after school Pizza party with the School Yummy Mummy set. Who although they are all lovely, always make you feel self-conscious, like the popular girls at school.

We were inundated with gifts from everyone, all of them wonderful and hand on my heart, I can honestly say that this year for the first time, none were a double up or unliked so none will be re-gifted.

We were however the recipients of a re-gift hence the blog. Now I don’t know about any of you but, I am all for re-gifting, when you receive a thoughtful present from someone but, you don’t like it, have one already or it doesn’t fit, you maybe lucky and have a friend or family member who provides a gift receipt with said present, meaning you can without embarrassment change the offending article.  Although more than likely you are unlucky and get no gift receipt so the re-gifting rules apply.

1. Make sure you put a note on the gift saying who you got it from

2. Keep groups of people separate: e.g if Family gave you the gift, mark it to be given to friends. If NCT members gave you the gift, mark it so that you give to other friends who don’t know NCT members or family etc.

3. Make sure that if you are re-gifting there is nothing written in or on the gift. Unless it’s an obvious second-hand item, for example a fist edition novel with a list of owners in, or Authors signature

4. Most important rule of all. If the gift is truly hideous, or has your name in it from the gifter, just give it to a charity shop. You must make sure it’s one that isn’t in the village or in close proximity to the gifter incase they stumble across it.

So there you have it, your re-gifting rules. Now what to do with the Harry and the Dinosaurs United book we received this morning, that in November 2011 was given to George from Natania, do I give it to the Charity shop or keep till November and give it back to George, and what do I write in the Thank you card?!?

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